The angst is still present as I sit at my laptop, drinking two-day-old coffee that I’ve convinced myself tastes fresh by adding some ice cubes and eating a piece of pizza that’s been sitting on my stove since Saturday. This week’s buckets of tears begin with a personal touch!
Arizona Cardinals vs. my beloved Los Angeles Raiders
When you’re a Raiders fan, no deficit feels insurmountable, and no lead feels secure. 20-0? 23-7? Champagne should not be opened too soon, according to die-hards.
Two touchdowns and two 2-point conversions in the fourth quarter capped off by a scoop-and-score fumble recovery in overtime that pushed the game over the total (51.5) and gave the Cardinals the win.
Verdict: 1 million buckets of tears (Yes, it’s a 1-5 scale, but it’s my column, so don’t be too harsh.)
Miami Dolphins vs. Baltimore Ravens
Consider this… You board a plane only to discover that hell exists and that the plane has no Wi-Fi. Oh, and your team had one of the greatest fourth-quarter comebacks we’ve ever seen, and your young quarterback declared himself a star while you were in the air. Dolphins fans and bettors, these are happy tears. Simply ask this guy:
Cleveland Browns vs. New York Jets
When all you need in the final two minutes of a game is a touchdown, an onside kick, and another touchdown, you know you’ve got Flacco! 2,229 teams have failed to do it in a row, but you have Flacco! I’ll go to resident nice guy Field Yates to remind Browns fans… So you blew it.
Four buckets (it is the Browns, after all).
But don’t worry. The mayhem did not stop on Sunday. Just ask Darius Rucker if Saturday wanted to join in on the fun.
Do we not all, man? I mean, I’d like to be able to understand a single Hootie lyric without having to read it, but life isn’t always simple, my friend.
South Carolina vs. Georgia
Who cares about a 48-7 thrashing? Thank you Georgia concedes its first touchdown of the season in garbage time, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as the over wins.
Conclusion: Two buckets
Notre Dame’s Cal
This game was more difficult to watch than your ex’s Instagram when they’re finally happy and healthy. What appeared to be an all-time bad beat as Notre Dame scooped up a fumble and returned it for a touchdown with time running out was called back, and you went from telling the bar the next round was on you to Irish ghosting while no one was looking.
Conclusion: One bucket
UCLA hosts South Alabama.
“Becky was a cutie from South Alabama,” according to Dierks Bentley’s What Was I Thinking?
I’m still wondering what South Alabama was thinking with this play, which resulted in UCLA’s game-winning field goal and the game going over.
Verdict: Two buckets – it’s UCLA, so no one cares.
Purdue at Syracuse
THIS IS THE GAME THAT REMINISTERED WHY WE LOVE SPORTS BETTING. Let’s face it, all six of these teams’ loyal fans were watching, but Twitter was ruled by the ending.
At the half, the score was 9-3. SERIOUSLY. The fourth quarter alone saw 42 points.
Purdue took the lead late in the game, but TWO unsportsmanlike penalties ON AN EXTRA POINT sent the Orange into full Dumb and Dumber mode. Yes, there is a possibility.
Pur-don’t you think? The Orange win AND cover the spread all in one play.
SVP, I feel you:
4.5 buckets in total
Get some rest and drink plenty of fluids because the ONLY thing I know for sure is that we’ll be back here next week come hell or high water.
Send us your best reactions and bad beats on Twitter, @jasonfitz, and you could win some free merchandise.
We’ll get ’em next weekend, Trey. I hope.
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